The Power Of Ball Compels Me (And Other Canine Confessions)

Woof woof woof bark. Barkety, bark bark.

Wait. I’m sorry—this is a homo sapien blog. Let me use small words so you’ll be sure to understand.

Hi. My name is Sake. I’m a Pomeranian. Well, more specifically, I am Canis lupus familiaris.

In honor of National Dog Day, my minion, err, mother, asked me to write my first post for We The Eaters. She’s giving me the evil eye right now as I sit on the back of the couch typing this with my mind. Mom says sitting here ruins the cushions—but what do I care? It allows me to survey my domain. Then I can see where my minions are at all times. Pardon me if I seem a little grouchy. It’s just anxiety—this is a lot to ask of a little dog.

I know, I know. At nearly 12, which is basically 64 according to this calculator I found online, I’m hardly a young ‘un. But can you believe that website referred to me as a senior? That’s just preposterous. I don’t look a day over five.

Here’s the thing: It’s not easy being a dog. Despite my mother’s threats to make me, “get a day job so I can start contributing around here,” there really is a lot I do.

First of all, I shed like a maniac. This is to create small tumbleweeds under the minion’s bed so when they get out of bed in the morning, they won’t step on cold wood floors. Then there’s the cacophony of deafening yips I let loose to warn of inherent danger when anyone comes within a centimeter of our front gate. Our house is right behind a busy bus stop, so this keeps me pretty busy.

And then there’s the recycling I do of Mom’s earplugs and other nefarious items left in the garbage. You know, an in one end, out the other sort of thing. My digestive system requires lots of treats to keep that process (literally) moving. I wasn’t getting enough fiber a few weeks ago, so I helped myself to a full loaf of french bread on the kitchen counter. Then I watered the kitchen floor.

Really? How do you think I did it? I got time in solitary for that one.

Which brings me to my point: Despite all I do, I don’t get a lot of appreciation for my contributions to this pack. No. I get nothing but a bowl of dry kibble and a stupid bath.

I’ve been feeling a little under-appreciated, so I went to visit my pal Tilly for some girl time. Have a drink (the vintage of that Woodridge water is to DIE for!)… nibble on some cookies. You know, relax a little. Just have a ball.

Tilly is a Welsh Terrier, known to be great playmates for other dogs. She just doesn’t understand that I would not lower myself to play with all the work I have to do. But I admit, she’s got a lot on her plate, too. Her minions built this big sandbox in the front yard—something about her digging up the grass—and now they keep burying her toys in it. She’s frantic one will get lost.

Then her dad ordered this huge “bully” stick for her the other day. Come on, minions! Do you think we don’t know what these are made of? And this one is like three feet long. Tilly has been frantically eating it before anyone sees a giant pizzle on the floor. I mean, what would the neighbors think?

There’s was just one thing that put a damper on our plans: When I arrived, Tilly was fresh out of my favorite treats.

What’s a girl dog to do?

We decided to make our own. It wasn’t that hard. Tilly kept sneaking the raw cookie dough off the table. Don’t judge—I’ve seen you two-legged nuts do this a million times.

Anyway, I thought I’d share the recipe here so all you humans could make some for your trusty four legged friends. I mean, we should be celebrated. For all we do.

Or don’t.

Sake’s Barkelicious Bites

2 cups pumpkin
1/2 cup fresh flat leaf or curly parsley
1/2 cup flax seed
1/2 cup honey
2 eggs
1 overripe banana
2.5 cups white flour, plus more for rolling dough
2.5-3 cups whole wheat flour
1 chicken bullion packet

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Place first six ingredients (pumpkin, parsley, flax, honey, eggs and banana) in a food processor and puree until smooth and parsley is chopped up.

Transfer to stand mixer with paddle attachment or a large bowl and begin to add flour one cup at a time until you have added five cups total. The dough should be elastic and just slightly sticky. If it is too sticky, add more flour. Too dry, add a little water or more honey.

Lightly flour a large working surface and place dough in the middle. We used a pastry mat, which was super easy on the paws when it came to cleanup. Roll dough out to about a 1/4 inch to 1/2 inch thick based on your pooches preferences (thinner will be crunchier. Personally, I am a dainty girl who likes my treats with a little more chew factor.)

One note here: I couldn’t give a poop bag what shape these are, but if your minion is like mine, you might suggest he or she order a dog bone shaped cutter in advance. My human spent half a day looking for one when she could have been at my beck and call.

Transfer treats to two or three non-stick or parchment-covered cookie sheets. You can also use a Silpat or other silicone liner. Place in oven and cook for 3o to 40 minutes.

Cookies are done when they are slightly browned on top and crunchy. Remove from pan to prevent further coking (use a cooling rack or wax paper.) They will harden further when they cool, so take them out as soon as they begin to brown if your master, I mean doggie, likes—or needs—a less crunchy snack.